become a friend, it's that easy...

[	how i feel	|	and lost	]
[	the music i hear	|	die trying- words that kill	]

reality sucks, the truth is so over-rated.

Why is it so hard to be yourself? Why is it people have to change or try and be different? Why did I have to make soo many dumb mistakes, oh well. I think I try and be warm hearted when whats really going on is, I'm very cold inside because I've been hurt soo bad, that I dont even know how to be happy over anything, or to try and fall in love agian, and I get so jealous, and so harsh.  I hate myself sometimes, because I end up hurting the people who actually care about me, and then I care for the ones who dont give a fuck. It's fucked up. I cant even trust people, I always think I'm not worth anyones time, and I feel like i cant offer anything because i lost everything i used to once have.  I need an escape, I need to find myself agian, I used to be such a good person, I loved everything, I loved life, I looked good, like when you looked at me i didnt look so dead, and I wasn't in such a huge shell. But It's because of choices and mistakes I have made, and I'm paying for it all, I'm becoming someone I never wanted to be, my father in such a way, and I dont want that, I want to be more like my mother like i used to be, I want to be someone strong, someone good-hearted agian, I want to be positive like I was, and I want to find everything fascinating, and fun. I want to be outgoing agian and trust. I dont want to care what people think anymore, and I wanna fall in love agian. I know it'll happen, but I think it wont unless I find what I'm looking for, and I have no idea what the hell that is...

[	how i feel	|	awake	]
[	the music i hear	|	atreyu-blood children	]

take a look

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/closer/

[	how i feel	|	horny	]
[	the music i hear	|	play that funky music white boy	]

dare to look?  

( it's better then sex, but it's just a tease )

[	how i feel	|	for you! j/k ;o)	]
[	the music i hear	|	kelly clarkson - behind these hazel eyes	]

Here's some pictures from last night's "Hotel Party" , lol. 

( click me!!! (pics) )

hApPy BiRtHdAy VaNeSsA!!!!

we all love you! and yay ur 18, now u can go to the clubs with us!

[

how i feel

|

happy

]

( rAnDoM pics! )

[	how i feel	|	happy	]
[	the music i hear	|	agian with the quietness	]

I had alot of fun on Becca's birthday, Sara is such a great friend as she is a sister. She has done alot for me, and for Rebekah, along with the rest of her friends. I'm happy I have a Sara in my life, and a Becca. They both are the best family anyone could have. I mean we fight alot but I love them soo much.  Thank you Sara for last night, and the rest of the times. You are the one and only Fanny!!!!

 Saturday at daves was alot of fun, i got drunk off my ass of course, Easter was alot of fun, i got to eat alot of food, and go to alot of different places, because we went to beccas aunts, then her cousins, then my moms, and i got to hang out with Marco that night, and Tabitha. Becca's birthday was a fun day too we did alot, and had the best dinner ever, it was sooo expensive, and now its warm out, i'm excited for summer! yay! wohoo....!!

 Last night was fun too, cuz when we got home i went over Marco's house!  i got to sleep with a sexie boi. heck yes i did. hehe....

 I'm going to Hashfest this Saturday at U of M, and i'm dragging along my friends, including both Vanessa's, Becca, Sara, maybe Marco, and also the rest of Dave's RoUpIeS will be there too. yay.... time to go play outside agian, it's soo nice out, i just wanna do everything outside.

[	how i feel	|	sleepy	]
[	the music i hear	|	TV	]

the jacket was a good movie. Keira Knightley is soo hot. i wanna make out with her.  and Adrien Brody.